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REAL TALK: A Journal Entry On Feeling Scared.

Updated: Apr 8, 2019



"I’m scared".


I articulated this thought recently in a moment of vulnerability.


The scenario: I found myself with my walls down in the eyes of another, sharing parts of myself I'd only ever written about or filtered through my head internally.


The minute the words left my lips - it completely took me by surprise!


I consider myself a resilient person who has mastered the art of flying solo - and loving it.


Whilst my inner artist has been known to romanticise, I am very much driven by "the masculine" in my work as I've needed to be that person for myself.


A very common characteristic I've observed in many entrepreneurial women.


It's a constant dance between the masculine and feminine energies. Tapping into the feminine keeps me balanced. I also have the capacity to dive deep and express my struggles and how I turned those into strengths - as my way of nurturing others.


[ I'll save this topic for another blog! ]


You can imagine, why on earth was I scared of being vulnerable for?


I spent the next few days observing my thoughts.


This one thought of "I'm scared" consistently held my attention.


A thought that was triggered by letting go of a role.


A role to protect.


Well, if I wasn't a role or identity, who was I?


And more importantly, what was I scared of?


A person? Judgement? A memory?


I soon realised, the fear had little to do with the context of the situation.


This was a trigger for something much deeper.


Trust.


Trusting myself to surrender and let go.


To allow myself to be seen without a role.


To allow myself to express openly.


Trusting my intuition to guide me.


To lean in and listen to what it needed to tell me.


To choose love in this moment - for myself.


Our power can be found in practicing non-attachment.


Not to be confused with detachment.


This is freedom and expansive love that is deeply connected.


Remember that, nothing is outside of us.


Our triggers are our teachers.


In this scenario: My body was lovingly reminding me to LISTEN.


Why did the thought “I’m scared” enter my mind?


Because of the standards I have cultivated as my higher self.


Even when I steer off track, these bring me back to my true north.


Experiencing “fear” was an indication I needed to bring myself back into centre.


It was something I needed to embrace leaning into rather than avoiding the discomfort of an unpleasant feeling.


I could choose to file this feeling away as either dormant or distorted, which would then influence my actions moving forwards.


Or I could step into something more divine than either of these options.


The high value woman.


A high value woman has an inner certainty, trust and knowing.


Even when everything around her is uncertain.


She’s a total badass.


I imagine her standing in the eye of a hurricane or tornado, where those strong surface winds that converge toward the centre never reach it.


It's calm, still, and peaceful.


When I activate this, I have complete trust in her.


I know that she’s got me - and that I need nothing more to complete me.


Everything else is just an added bonus.


And everything I am calling into my life comes from this place or is simply here to teach me.


Including my intuition communicating to me via an unpleasant feeling.


I feel connected and empowered when I remember this.


Remember that you are not your feelings - you are the one experiencing your feelings.


You are not your thoughts - you are the one observing your thoughts.


This crazy thing we call life gets hella fun when we get into the arena and play full out with simple shifts in perspective and ways of being.


Jo Marie x

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